Blame & Shame breed nothing but Pain.

I see it all the time with women that I work with.

There is something unspoken, but viscerally felt, like a tension that is inhibiting you from taking the necessary step towards your healing. 

Can you relate?

Pain from your past oftentimes can be the roadblock to the future you want and desire.

Begin with a  fresh perspective to open yourself to the possibility of feeling better.

Unprocessed old pain and hurt never disappear. Just because you don’t acknowledge it, doesn’t mean it’s not affecting your life and your physiology.

Have you been told . . . 

• “Just forget about it”

• “Put your big girl panties on now”

• “You need to finally grow up and put the past behind you” 

• “Move on, already, GEESH”                                                                                    

We learn this narrative from society and others who haven’t dealt with their own past traumas. Worst case scenario, you deny it’s existence altogether. At best you deny it’s depth and/or intensity.

So what’s the big deal?

This mindset creates a “false belief”, a “story” we make around why we feel this sense of “unworthiness” and “victimhood”. It’s why we feel we “deserve these chronic physical symptoms”. This mindset sets us up to blame ourselves for why we have been led to believe that we are inherently “bad” or “wrong”. In society, as women, we have been fed this story for generations to “protect us”, to “keep us safe & in our lane”. Blaming ourselves sounds like a “harsh inner critic voice” we speak to ourselves with. It works out well for society, because it is how we have been able to be controlled, beaten down, and put in our place.

If society hasn’t implicitly led you to believe this, maybe your family and loved ones who mean well have. By keeping us quiet, blaming ourselves, we end up turning against ourselves. This is the breeding ground for autoimmune and chronic inflammatory pain/illness. Emotional pain festers and rots in our bodies when we ignore it and suppress it. Instead of stepping back and seeing the big picture where lies and manipulations have travelled down from generation to generation, we keep our focus on the “story” we have been fed, and bypass the truth.

It is a vicious cycle.

They blame us.

We blame ourselves.

Brene’ Brown’s research describes blame so poignantly. She says. . .

“Blame is a way to discharge pain and discomfort.”

They blame us to discharge past pains of intergenerational hurts. They want to relieve themselves of their own past trauma that is oppressing them.

We blame ourselves to discharge the pain of having had to live our entire lives carrying the burden, the obligation, the duty . . . in silence. Keeping us silent perpetuates the cycle of dysfunction in the home, in our relationships, in our workplace, and in our bodies. That burden is too heavy a load to carry.

So why is this a big deal?

It hurts. Deep down it hurts who we are to our core. Nothing ends up feeling good, when we have this residue of blame and pain following us around day in and day out.

Just sit here for a minute, and acknowledge that the burden you have been carrying is heavy and hurts. How does that feel? It’s OK to feel what you have been feeling. Acknowledge it. Notice it. You have just let in a vulnerable yet beautiful thing: intimacy with yourself.

Intimacy = “into-me-I-see”

Let some tears roll, it’s OK. You are allowed to have feelings around the hurts you have had to suppress. Maybe it is anger, frustration, grief, or sadness. You have a right to feel a certain way. There is a reason you feel that way.

The first step is being aware of the pain that has had nowhere to go. The childhood wounds you suffered was an injustice. The life you have lived based on the survival patterns you adapted, acknowledges your humanity, and your will to live. The physical symptoms you now experience prove your body has been trying to protect and defend you in the primal way it has known how.

The first step is acknowledging the emotional pain inside that you are ignoring.

The second step is visualizing the life you want. What does that look like in the way you want to see yourself? The way you want to see the world? What does that look like living and breathing from your true authentic self, and NOT through the lens of your past hurts?

The second step is to visualize the life you want.

Close your eyes and just sit with it a moment. Create exactly want you want in your vision. Picture yourself at your home, your work, with your family, with your friends, even by yourself in your favorite surroundings. What does that picture look like 12 months from now? 5 years from now?

Give yourself some time to fill in the details of your vision. Write it down in your journal. Honor your creativity, your dreams, your imagination, and your true potential.

You just did it. Congrats! You just cleared the way to allow space for a shift in your nervous system. How does that feel right now in your body, in your heart, in your mind? Right there, did you feel that fresh wind of self-compassion that blew gently onto your face just now?

When the vision is CLEAR, the results will APPEAR. But it all begins with a vision. I can appreciate thoughts you may be thinking, “but if it has always been this way then. . . “ or “my body just isn’t able to. . . . “ are all depleting emotions and a negative mindset. The process of reprogramming your “way of being” moving forward is where I take your hand and guide you every step of the way. “Mind over matter”, as they say gets us nowhere. . . but going directly to our physiology to affect how we regulate emotionally can effectively determine the state of our nervous system. Without effort, without force, and without the inner pressure we feel when thinking about “trying to not feel so much pain” physically.

Friend, from woman to woman, I tell you truthfully that the things in life that are the most fulfilling, meaningful, and impactful usually do so in an organic way. Do you agree? Like a gentle unfolding where the eyes of your heart become opened. Opening the eyes of your heart gives you a glimpse into your truest self, that has been patiently waiting for you to see her. You just gave yourself a new fresh perspective in the way you see your past pain and hurts from childhood and even adulthood wounds. This opens the door to a new opportunity. You just accepted an invitation to move towards the next step and open the door to healing that has always been yours.

The third step is click this link to book a call with me. Yes! You and I can connect via zoom and see if we are a good fit on this journey towards healing your inner and outer self, with my online program for migraine sufferers. Come with comments, inquiries, and questions. I only accept a small number of women who are fully committed to possible unknown emotional wounding that has helped to create a dysregulated nervous system and chronic pain, like menacing migraines! Therapeutic healing includes, emotional regulation with biofeedback, inner child and parts healing, narrative therapy, and bodywork that unlocks strategies to unwind out of tension plus so much more!

The third step is to reach out for help instead of isolating yourself.

I work with women with chronic migraines to:

*reprogram maladaptive emotional coping styles

*release trapped tensions held in the body

*transform anxiety and self-sabotage into agency and pain-free restoration.

Click this link to book a call with me to see if we are a good fit. My online program is an intimate “invite only” small group setting where we get to the roots, compassionately shift our perspective, and gain agency over the captivity that has held us down for years, even decades. I look forward to speaking with you soon.

Blame, shame, and pain are no longer yours to carry alone. I am here to support you on your journey to releasing the suppressed emotions that have held you captive, and robbed your body and mind of the peace that is yours.